SPICY KHLAMYDIA: AN ALTERNATIVE DEMOCRACY

No, I’m not introducing you to a new infused and delicious sushi roll, but if satire and foolishness are your business I suggest you continue reading.

Unlike the current tenants who occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, I would like to believe that the 62+ million who voted for Donald Trump don’t speak for the remaining 256,000,000+ common sense Americans. Common sense meaning, people who aren’t out of their rabbit-ass mind.

Though Trump is nothing short of the monster that was under Brian Stevenson’s bed in the movie Little Monsters, some of the crumb snatchers he’s allowed to collect a check from the American people are just as scary. Two people come to mind, Sean ‘Spicy’ Spicer and Kellyanne ‘Khlamydia’ Conway. S&K when used together. I find their pet names to be fitting, don’t you? Considering that corruption has been a part of world history since Adam allegedly decided to pick from the wrong tree, I guess no one should be surprised at the rubbish that these two have sold to the media. And… Since I like S&K so much I will address them as such throughout this post.

Who are S&K? Let’s start with the former.

I wouldn’t say this guy is necessarily decorated, maybe lucky? One thing we do know and that is this guy suffers from extreme anger issues. Considering that he has allowed himself to be an extended voice to one of the world’s worst manifested criminals (his boss), I can’t believe that that is a sign of decoration. Or is it? One can only assume that he has kept his nose clean, passed necessary test, and known the right people. He’s been a U.S. Navy reservist since 1999 and currently holds the rank of commander. Since the 90’s he’s held various jobs in the political arena. Decorated or luck, his actions say a lot about the Navy when one of its own gets on the television and acts like someone overcooked their fava beans. I thought the military took pride in turning its service men and women into stone? Clearly there’s a glitch in the service matrix. Spicy has done a great job in turning himself into a proverbial asshole. So many of his “friends” speak highly of him. Really? No highly respected person carries on the way he does.

Spicy’s counterpart, Khlamydia, seems to have chosen a similar path. She too has held various political roles, founded her own market research company, and at one point considered a career as an attorney. Can you imagine Khlamydia representing you in a DUI case? My client was simply choosing alternative lanes, Your Honor. How does one lie so much that they get banned from appearing on a television network? If that’s the case, what’s taking American television networks so long from banning Trump? Jeffrey Dahmer was more forthcoming than Trump. But back to, Khlamydia…. Who I’m willing to bet would respond to me writing about her like she was disgusted, appalled, or even concerned. My response would be, pipe down, Gollum. We’re talking about someone who is what I like to consider a…hired mouth. Figuratively speaking of course. But this lady has absolutely no shame in looking into your eyes and lying. She makes the chic in Fatal Attraction sound like an ideal match.

All jokes aside. Let’s get serious, okay! Put Trump’s demonic pompadour to the side and break down the facts. At what point in life did S&K decide to derail off the tracks? What’s surprising is… some people actually believe what these two dodo heads say. Here are questions I have for S&K. Have you decided to put common sense and morals to the side for a dishonest payday? Is destroying your credibility for Trump worth it? Are you as racist and reckless as you sell yourself? Spicy a father of two and Khlamydia a mother four – do you find it okay to go home to your children and spouse knowing you’ve blatantly acted like jackasses on television? What do your families think of your actions? Lastly, can you honestly say you can sleep at night?

American democracy is designed to hold public officials, their actions, and statements accountable. I believe they call this checks and balances. But let’s be realistic. I know some people want to believe that the U.S. government is filled with people who value integrity, are seriously concerned with the well-being of citizens, selflessness, blah blah. If you believe that foolishness than I need you to ask yourself these two questions – Since when has the U.S. government held anything or anyone accountable unless it has pertained to their interest? Has democracy ever cared for it’s people? I don’t know, maybe you enjoy a totalitarian approach to state affairs. It’s our (the people) word against theirs. We’re too stupid to understand the social contract so we need our rights and lives toyed with, right? The Trump administration isn’t the first or last mafia to enter the White House, so we shouldn’t be surprised when spineless people like S&K walk the plank for a check. Look, I’m not for either party (Democrat or Republican), but Trump & Co. make for great analysis and comedic relief. Maybe more transparency and less corruption and the American people will take its representatives seriously. Because the last thing our society needs is another systemic venereal disease.