SPINELESS ENDEARMENT

Love. One of the most controversial decisions one could ever decide to allow in their heart. Though love comes in different levels and can be used to bring society together, when used on an intimate level, can be alluring, yet diabolical.

There’s nothing more telling than a fairytale situation that brings joy to your heart. That is, if every corner of that situation is pure and communicated. But how well are partners in relationships communicating these days? From what I hear from friends and random conversations with strangers, not well. Not to say that the good ol days are a great example of how to communicate, but it does seem that the newer way of communicating (text, social media) has caused a halt in transparency. In most cases, todays fairytale relationships are no different than that of an alcoholic author who is a registered sex offender that writes children’s books. Oh yeah, I went there. Maybe it’s that the world has too many options when it comes to commitment. People say they want one thing, but because they know they can replace you rather than go through the fire, they block you like a phone contact. Love can be a muthafucka, right?

To touch more on this, I want to share some of a conversation I had with a good friend. I hadn’t seen or spoken to this friend in quite a while, so to say our catch-up was anything short of extended conversation would be an understatement. We decided to meet for drinks at a random hole-in-the- wall (because those are the best places). He and I have always been described as talkers, so we knew this was going to end up with us slightly bent from premium whiskey. Who can say no to a fine adult beverage, right? Anywho.. we began the conversation with pleasantries and reminiscing on child memories, loud laughs, and each with a shot of Jameson. “Fuck it’s good to see you, man,” and I replied with the same. After we divulged into the catch-up, my man suddenly shifted gears about the girl he’d been with for a couple years. He mentioned her a several times through text, but that was all I knew of her. I’d never met her, as we’ve always lived in different cities. However, from what I did know of her, she seemed like a bomb lady. She had a successful career, seemed loyal, fun, and driven. And he too was a good man, one of my many friends who believed in an honest foundation. But one thing he mentioned a couple times, was that he wished she would communicated better. Said that, whenever they had a bump in the road, she would shut down. I then asked if he knew if there was something she dealt with in the past that caused her to be a….little guarded. He said that she had an ex that she dealt with for quite some time, but he never brought up the past because he didn’t want to open any wounds. I then asked if he had or thought to ask and discuss her lack of communication – as learning some parts of a person’s past can assist with understanding the future. We went on to speak further about his situation and he spoke very passionately on what was now their breakup.

While my buddy was with his lady, he had a family matter that required his time and attention. He explained every part of the matter to her and received her blessing on…doing what he had to do to be with family. His family was miles away. As time went on and my buddy was with his family, his lady seemed to grow frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t with her. He said it seemed she would pick fights while they spoke on the phone. As he tried to get to the bottom of her frustration, she would mince words and not get to the point. Again, she wasn’t the best when it came to communication, so he offered that she come be with him. Surprisingly, she didn’t take him up on his offer. In fact, he said she would sometimes make-up stuff when they spoke, almost to sabotage their situation. He grew increasingly frustrated with their phone conversations, as he didn’t expect the added stress on top of his family matter. As the days continued, every time they spoke, his lady continued with the negativity. He said it almost seemed as if she was delusional and she couldn’t possibly believe half of the stuff she would tell him. He was confused and heartbroken, as he thought she was the person that he would spend the rest of his life with. He admitted that he wasn’t always the best communicator, but out of the two, he was the only one that tried to bring sense to their issues.

As the arguments persisted, he was developing resentment for his mate, and he began to battle love versus leaving the love of his life. Despite their ups and downs, ending their relationship was the last thing he wanted to do. In fact, he would continue to press with finding a solution to their problem, but to no success. He says he would go days thinking about the times that he was there for her when she’d gone through rough periods. He was faithful, always listened, never judged, stayed composed, and accepted her for who she was. So, it was extremely frustrating to know she was acting like this.

When he returned to her, she’d had his things packed, with not true explanation as to why. He pleaded for her to explain what was really going on, but like always, she minced words and didn’t supply and adequate reason. They shared the apartment, but the lease was in her name. He explained how she couldn’t do this, but it was as if she didn’t care. Not wanting to cause a scene or matters worse than what they were, he left.

She never called to explain her actions, apologize, or to make sure he was okay.

Throughout the bulk of him speaking I remained quiet, only to ask questions when I wanted clarification. It’s unfortunate to know that someone you love could drop you like that, especially without a true reason as to why, but I guess that speaks to why some people go into situations jaded. Love is tricky, beautiful, and confusing all at the same time. Tread lightly, you never know what the circus will bring.